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Stuck In The Jeep
A Jeep is a wonderful thing. Especially when you put a lift kit on it, big snow tires, and mix in an ego much too large for the capabilities of the vehicle.
I've been stuck once or twice.
?? 2004: Retrieving RC Plane With Jeep
?? 2002: Stuck on a First Date
?? 2002: Betcha Can't Get Through There
Another stupid Jeep moment. Mike N and I were climbing at Vertical Reality, an indoor climbing gym, in the East end of Ottawa. It's mid-winter and Ottawa is covered in snow. We get out from the gym about 10PM and get into my Jeep. We're warming it up and talking when Mike sees a huge pile of snow on a nearby knoll. He says "I bet you can't drive up there".
I take the bet. The Jeep has awesome snow tires and we chug up the steep slope. I'm busy crowing and enjoying the glory that's rightfully mine when we see the other side of the snow pile. A ditch separates us from the road, and Mike again says "I bet you can't get through there!"
I take the bet. I shouldn't have. I inch the jeep into the ditch and realize, way too late, that it's really fucking deep. The right front wheel completely buries itself, and there's nothing I can do. I try to go forward, backward, whatever. No dice. The tires just spin and dig themselves deeper into the ditch. We're totally and completely stuck.
Mike gets out to help direct me. He takes one step and promptly falls into the ditch, full of freezing water. He's no longer laughing, it's my turn.
Anyway, we're totally stuck, but I have a towrope, block and tackle. No problem. All is not lost. We'll just ask the next car that comes along to give us a pull out. Hey! There's a car now!
It's a cop. He's not impressed. He tells us he's going to call a towtruck to come get us out. $$$! I see a big bobcat snowplow thing start plowing in the nextdoor lot and ask if I can get that guy to pull us out. The cop says "whatever". I run over to the lot, ask the guy to get us out, and he comes back to help. The cop watches. Mike starts to laugh again, but I can't tell if it's funny or if he's going into hypothermic shock.
The bobcat dude decides to pull us out from behind, rather than from the road. This means he needs to climb the snow-covered grassy knoll. He pulls the huge machine up to the slope and starts chugging. The tires bite down through snow, through grass, through dirt, and finally find purchase on the bedrock. He destroys the whole grassy picnic area, but finally gets up on the knoll. He pulls us out, and drives off very quickly.
The cop isn't pleased. He calls me over. While walking through the huge pile of debris left by the bobcat, I slip and fall. I'm now covered in snow and dirt. Mike can't stop laughing and is totally messing things up with the cop. The cop gets my info and tells me I'm going to have to pay to get the grassy hill fixed. I'm like "yeah, whatever". I wasn't so glib when the bill showed up.
Stupid Mike. All his fault.